Our office will be closed on December 24, 25 & 26 for Christmas, and we will be closed January 1 & 2 for New Years.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!
December 23, 2008
September 07, 2008
To Parents Fighting for Custody
Are you a parent fighting a custody battle or thinking about filing a custody action? I have some advice for you from the perspective of a family law attorney who has fought many hard battles over children: Settle.
Children are harmed when parents fight over them. You don’t have to fight around them to harm them. When children are the center of a custody battle, it is rare that parents can keep them from knowing it. Because children are in a different stage of development, they believe that all of the turmoil in the relationship between their parents is their fault. No matter how much you try to assure them, deep down, they will believe that they caused their parents to fight.
Short of one of you being unfit or harmful to the children, you should do everything within your power to quickly resolve any custody issues.
Here are some things to keep in mind when facing a disagreement over custody:
1. Children love both parents and unless one of you is unfit, your children need to be with both of you as much as possible. A good custody arrangement strikes a balance between stability and giving your children the opportunity to develop a meaningful relationship with each of you.
It is very unlikely that your children will develop a meaningful relationship with one parent having custody only every other weekend. You should be willing to live with some inconveniences and intrusion to give children this opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with both of you.
2. Don’t speak badly about the other parent around your children, no matter how upset you are. Doing this makes children feel insecure and torn between their parents. They feel the need to support both of you, and when you speak badly about the other parent they feel like they must choose between you - even if that was not your intent.
If you need a more practical reason than the well-being of your children to restrain your speech: a judge will not look kindly on you speaking badly about the other parent, and this may give the judge a reason not to give more time with your children.
In fact, you should say nice and supportive things about the other parent as much as you can – as this builds confidence in the life of your children.
3. Go to mediation and forget about what you might win in court. Instead, focus on what is best for your children, keeping in mind that they need both of you, no matter what has happened in your relationship with one another.
4. If you choose to go to court, know this: you are relinquishing your rights as parents to the court system. A judge who has only spent a couple of hours with you and does not know your family will have tremendous power over your day-to-day lives. The judge will have the power to tell you where your children will live, go to school, activities they can enjoy, and will control many other aspects of your life from then on. It would be better for all involved for you to find a way to agree.
5. With each conflict over your children, ask yourself, “Is this a hill worth dying on?” If you aren’t careful, the casualties of your battle will be your children.
June 18, 2008
Being Wrongfully Persecuted
Many of my clients share the common experience of feeling wrongfully persecuted. They feel as though they are being accused of things that are not true or are twisted to the point of being false.
This experience causes a mixture of emotions, such as anger, despair, helplessness, hopelessness and often creates a great desire for revenge. There is also a heaviness of not knowing what to do.
King David of the Bible wrote Psalm 37 with advice on how to approach false accusations. I have attached this Psalm for your encouragement if you feel as though you are being wrongfully persecuted.Download advice_from_word_of_god_for_those_who_are_wrongly_persecuted.pdf
June 08, 2008
Kids Making It
My husband and I visited Wilimington, NC the latter part of this week. While there we stopped by a wood working shop that really makes a difference. It is called “Kids Making It.” It is a program for youth in the Wilmington area where they learn to work with wood to make products they can keep or sell, such as pens, bowls, plaques, etc. The youth may sell the product made in the Kids Making It shop and the youth keep 100% of the profit of the item sold. Through this program the youth learn far more than how to work with wood. They learn skills that are useful in whatever they choose to do with their lives.
We met Tyrell “Pop” Brockington, the Customer Work Supervisor, who made my husband and me writing pens out of the teak wood from the recently removed deck of the U.S.S . North Carolina. Pop took a square piece of wood and in a matter of about 30 minutes turned it into a work of art.
You can find more information about this program at http://www.kidsmakingit.org/ . I encourage you to visit on your next trip to Wilmington, NC.
June 02, 2008
May 31, 2008
Judges Should Engage and Explain
One of the most important aspects of our legal system is the hearing before a judge. Most disputes between parties that end up in Court are not before a jury but are held before a judge. That judge decides who to believe, what law should be applied and ultimately what the outcome is.
In cases where my clients have not gotten the decision they wanted but felt that the judges respected them and listened to them, they accepted the rulings and felt good about the legal system. In cases where clients have received nearly everything they requested but felt the judge did not listen, they were upset with process and questioned its fairness.
Most people just want someone to fairly listen to the facts and evidence and end the dispute. If people trust our legal system, they will use it rather than attempt to "get justice" on their own. I am concerned about the decreasing confidence our citizens have in our legal system.
Here are my humble thoughts on how a judge can help to increase confidence in the legal system:
Judges Should Engage: My clients who have respected the rulings of the Court observed judges being engaged during the hearing – giving eye contact to witnesses and taking time to review the evidence. While most judges do engage, I have watched judges take telephone calls, read papers or other court files and even surf the net, all while witnesses are testifying on the stand. If I can see this behavior, so can the parties. It is no wonder people leave the courtroom dejected no matter the result. How can they trust the result if the judge was not paying attention?
Judges Should Explain: In addition to being engaged during the hearing, judges should explain their rulings. When judges take the time to make their own findings of fact, briefly explain the law, and explain the case in layman’s terms to the parties, even if the parties do not agree with the ruling, most of them realize that the judge considered the evidence and made the best ruling he could. Far too often, judges do not announce the reasons for their rulings. They leave it to the attorneys to work out in the written order. While this may ultimately be good for the parties because attorneys can negotiate on what actually goes in the order, the parties are often perplexed and wonder if the ruling was simply arbitrary.
It is my hope that all of us who are part of the legal system will do our part to build confidence in our jobs. Without the confidence of our citizens, they may simply take matters into their own hands. Obviously, we do not want that.
